Source: Parenting ADHD and Autism
I always get comments like – “Is he with ADHD? doesn’t look like one. Is he really hyperactive? He can follow your orders and sit still” To be able to answer these sort of questions, one must be tough mom! Seriously.
How can he sit still during meal time? What does he do while travelling? How do you engage with him? How do you make him listen to the coach? Can he play along with the other kids?
I must tell you, it takes endless Doa/prayers plus patience and training to be able to make an ADHD boy toned down. Last night his therapist messaged me while we were having supper at a local coffee store. “Seronok tengok Azfar macam anak tipikal (membaca sementara menunggu meal)”
I am a fierce mom?- YES, I am; or maybe not BUT I am being strict with Azfar. Discipline is everything when dealing with ADHD/ASD boy I suppose. Alhamdulillah, Praise to the Almighty Allah, we have no problem bringing him to hair salon for his haircut, no problem doing grocery shopping, no problem at all while visiting dentist! My routine for him pays.
Set the example– What if he refused to brush his teeth? I get down on my knees and hold his jaws and I do the brushing back then.
Social stories– Let them know what to expect when going to a mall, what to do, what NOT to do, what do I expect from him? What to expect at the hair salon, the dentist.
Remind, remind and remind–I personally think you can’t stop reminding what do you want from him/expect. After a while you will notice that he can knows what is expected from him. I’ll give you an example of our normal situation going to a mall (conversation translated to English):
I: We are going to Giant (a mall)..We are going to get some groceries and who ever behaves well will get something special from me!!
Kids: YAY!! can we get toys/bubbles/pens/art papers???
Azfar (prompted in a very firm tone): Remember Hakeem, no running, no fooling around. Do you understand?!!!
So, you see..when you keep on saying the things you expect from them, they will be! I must admit, he sometimes behave better comparing to ‘typical’ kids.
Endless encouragement– I am still learning the difference between encouragement and pushing to the limits. Whatever the term is, I find that encouragement can bring miracles to you. Simple word can bring joy to your child. ” Great job! high 5 please” , “Wow!!” “Fuyyo, great work”, ” Beautifully done”, etc.
Although we all know that there are rooms for improvement but, they deserve encouragements prior commenting 🙂
Rewards and punishments-Knowing how he loves Westin Langkawi Spa & Resort, we make it official. We announced that before the year ends, the whole family will again visit Westin Langkawi. But, that doesn’t come easy.My husband and I keep repeating this thing every single time Azfar requested for Langkawi. To us, everything must be a win-win situation.
” Azfar nak pergi Langkawi dak? Solat tak boleh tinggal…Mesti rajin pergi sekolah, rajin pergi terapi, tennis mesti ikut cakap coach, tak boleh lari-lari, mesti berlatih, mesti bersunat”
Translated: Azfar, do you want to go to Langkawi? If you want, you must make sure to complete prayers 5 times daily, you will have to go to school, therapies and tennis lessons. You cannot play around and you must also do the circumcision.
My advice, do it continuously and consistency. Although some say, miracles happen overnight, but in my case it doesn’t happen that way.
I did not know what came over me last night.
Will he ever get married? Will he graduated from school of art? Will he excel in life? Will he get a job?
AM I IN DENIAL, still? Should I be asking these questions if I accept him the way he is?
“Aiza… Can I ask you something? Do you accept him as he is? With ADHD? Accept him for who he really is?”
and my answer was…. “OF COURSE!!!” (after a long pause) and I cried. That was my answer.
Who can I talk to? or more of who can just sit with me for 1/2 hour in silence? No one, full stop. Not for now I think. Who can really understand and feel me? No one.. just no one. Am I struggling alone? Physically, no. Do I share my son’s KPI with my partner? I’m not sure. I can’t really tell.
It is sad looking at his low muscle tone. How he sometimes struggle with some sensory issues; either overload or under load. Picky eater he is. 😦 I assigned him for tennis class and it seems to go okay for a while. Let’s hope he can survive in the neurotypical kids surrounding.
Alhamdulillah, his speech embarks to a whole new level now. He is more expressive. We are now on Reconnect Kit protocol by Young Living . It works well with him.
Thank you Allah swt for sending us an online friend- Marissa Ali. She is an angel. Helps me a lot (she might not realise this but TQ so much Marissa Ali). Not only she helps me with my oiling part, but with knowledge sharing sessions. I can’t afford to repay her for all the oils and stuffs you gave my son; and the most important thing- the encouraging words you gave me.
O, heart! Please be strong and be kind.
Aiza Jasmi,An ADHD Mom
Some people refuse to label, I am not pre-label but label helps us to view the full potential, the hiccups we should be expecting and frankly, labels help us to guide azfar better.
Telling, saying, calling my son is with ADHD is not labeling him with disadvantages or disabilities. I know deep in my heart somehow the ‘dis’ is there :(. From now on, I MUST stop calling him that. I must be calling him by his advantages.
My azfar is
a happy boy…
These are the values I need to focus on. Rather than focusing on his weakness, I must be valuing his positive qualities. 🙂
Azfar Hazim is currently facing some sensory overload!!! ARGHHHH.. I am the one who really need to calm down. not him. Can’t blame him for the overloadness :((
One reason why I do not visit friends and families on Hari Raya (not unless they understand azfar’s situation) is because he can be very sensitive to his surroundings- especially smells, clusters, toys, curtain colours and even to the extend not aligned photo frames. Last year, we went to a house, and azfar pointed out a painting at my friend’s house…. ‘Ummi..tu..salah tu…’ . Everybody looked and realised that painting was tilted to the left. Oh dear darling! *face palm* Everybody praised him , but I felt sorry for the host.. 🙂 hehehehe.
I do not (ever) blame parents or caregivers for their choice. Be it using the conventional meds or alternative ones. But I do believe, once you made the decision do it right and make it right. You cannot expect miracles to happen by only deciding which or what to use. Do it and I really mean it.
I am still learning ..and struggling to do what I think is the best for my ADHD son. I have met and seen/heard parents who opts for alternative meds for their autistic child; and yet they are feeding the child with high content sugar supplements or only probiotics. And that is all! I am not saying what I am doing is the perfect way; but hey! keep feeding yourself with new interventions, new ideas. These thing are for your own kids’ life. When I tried to tell them about EO, the no no supplements (they are feeding some local supplements claiming can cure hyperactivity, ADHD what not), they just can’t take it! They looked at me as if I am against makanan sunnah. Some had tried using EO once or twice and claimed to me and to the whole group they didnt work. 😦 oh my! Then I know I am not welcomed in their group. 🙂
When I read a few testimonial, journey on ASD, ADHD children using EO, alternative meds, the food intervention, I was keen to ‘try’. TRY is a big word because in my son’s world that includes trying new smells, new food, new routines, new habits. But my husband and decided we will not tolerate the stimulants. I must thank my FB friends for introducing me to the new terms- Munirah, Marissa Ali, Ida Altahari for their guides (watsapp, sms, links, testimonials, getting me the epsom salt, etc). There are lot more to learn ..it is endless journey with hiccups though.
I have to admit, the combination of EO, salt, food are a little pricey. I cannot afford them all. Unlike my friends in KL who mostly can afford to get the best probiotics for their children. I am struggling my best to get them all. 🙂 But I am happy with the results.
I had a few friends (not very close ones) questioning the reasons for using the hard way of ‘treating’ ADHD. Why not use the stimulants offered/prescribed by the paeds? I have all the answers. I do! –Why in the world should I let my son depends on stimulants when I can find another way? You want shorcuts, then go ahead. But I dont!